birthmark #1
what i've discovered from my first week on Substack and my plans for my newsletter
Hi
This is Birthmark! A series within Arm Drag that allows me to, no matter how boring, write weekly diary-like entries. 100% of the truth! I have emotions, events, thoughts, and feelings to let out. I have grammar errors to make, spelling mistakes to not check, and little i’s to stay prettier. I have Paris in July, birthdays, songs & books i like, and conversations i have that i need a place for.
Last week, I wrote for the first time in a long while and posted it to Substack. It was the first time in my life i had shared my writing publicly. It also happened to be the first thing i posted online in over 3 years! I haven’t liked, commented, or retweeted. I haven't posted an image, or shared anything in that time. Why and what difference has it made to my life, and do I think i’m soooo much better than everyone else? Could make for a future post.
My first post titled ‘I took you to see babe’ had 23 views and 2 likes when I checked this morning (28/06/24), which is so fucking cool to me. Just it being written, and open to anyone to read is my biggest success. I got the urge to create a newsletter, Arm Drag (named so because of my love of wrestling; I wanted to be a wrestler when I was a kid, so badly, i wanted to jump off ladders onto tables and be friends with Stone Cold Steve Austin), after hearing someone say, ‘I’m scared of not becoming the person I could be.’ I can’t remember who said it; it could be someone famous, fictional, or real, a stranger or friend, but the sentence has been in my notes app for years. i found the quote to be comforting; it gave me an egotistical confidence of ‘if i don’t try, i can’t fail. When i want to try, I will be great.’ Lately the quote has been haunting me and confirming suspicions I long held of myself—a coward shit-scared to try anything. At 27; i’ve dropped out of university, quit my job, and never had a driving lesson (it runs in the family, my mam had one driving lesson. 30 seconds into it she hit a lamppost , left the car, and said ‘never a-fucking-gain’). I want to try! Other quotes that have left a lasting impression on me: ‘If you can’t remember an idea, it wasn’t good enough anyway’ (Orlando Weeks, lead singer of British indie rock band The Maccabees, year unknown). I remember reading it in NME when I was a teen. And ‘you should write 20 lines a day’, (said very recently by Jesse Pearson in the most recent Apology podcast with Kurt Vile).
My first impression of Substack is that it feels like the place for me. People seem kind; advertisements aren’t bulldozing me. It's almost an underground alternative to being bored of seeing conflicting opinions that are trying to be controversial (When you start buying into controversy equals cash and pay pricks for being pricks, it creates more pricks). Take yesterday as an example of what a feed could be: I read about the 80s punk rock scene, a beautiful poem about birds, exchanged messages with a published author, and read about someone's personal experience of working with Ozzy Osborne in the 90s. All for free and at the comfort of clicks. Substack has the feel of a bookshop that doesn’t organise books alphabetically and when you find a good read, it feels like a discovery. My usual experiences of trying to read things online lead to websites that need their cookies accepted, need the advertisements crossed off, and need my bank details for a free 30-day trial. Though i could be wrong about Substack and probably will be. I can’t change my first impression or be too cowardly to express it.
There are many things i do not understand about this site however, if you are reading this and can answer these questions, please do:
-what reading time would make you want to read it? (For me, i click on those with 1-5 minutes; i like snack-able content.)
-how do i find things i’m interested in?
-will my feed start to feel personal after a few weeks of using it?
-does it matter what image i pick?
-what should i use notes for?
-are titles important?
-how many posts a week are too many?
Thanks in advance!
Humour me and subscribe, if you want. I’m sure I’ll post about the time I went to court, and the time I got held at a Thai airport, and the time I found out my family wasn't mine, or the day I got scammed on my birthday in Amsterdam, or tales from working in dive bars for 6 years. More than likely, I’ll write about my feelings—I'm unimaginative like that—and it’ll be 70% truth and 30% something else.
I’m going to end all Birthmarks with song(s) I love from that week. Last week i couldn’t stop listing to recently released One Last Dance by Baby Rose & BADBADNOTGOOD. It has the production and feel of a song that belongs in the 60s, delivered by a distinctive voice to match. It’s so sweet.
That's Birthmark #1 done! My birthmark is on the back of my head and can only be seen when i've had a short haircut, which is usually 3 times a year, often it becomes a brighter red in the sun too. That’s two too many facts to know about a strangers birthmark, though i do find them interesting, as soon as someone tells me they have one i want to know where it is and what it looks like. GET IT OUT!
Anyway, I’m glad I’ve started something and this time next year i want to see:
1. Arm Drag alive.
2. a post a month (minimum)
3. Birthmark alive.
4. subscriber & like counts don’t consume me.
until next time